If you feel a knot in your stomach when you ask for a favor, it is not due to incompetence. In fact, the shame associated with asking for help is often related to the fear of judgment or past experiences. For example, if you believe that seeking support in your childhood was a sign of weakness or feel that your needs were ignored, you may associate this vulnerability with danger today.

However, when you avoid asking for something, you reinforce the idea that your needs are a burden. To overcome this barrier, you need to understand that needing others is common and strengthens relationships. Here are some ways to help you do that.

1. Make Small Requests

It is normal to perceive the act of asking as a threat. To reduce this feeling, you can ask for help with tasks that have no serious consequences if something goes wrong. This helps you realize that expressing a need does not upend the world.

For instance, you might ask a coworker once a day to pick up an item or suggest a book. Additionally, delegating tasks that you can do yourself, such as finding an address, could also be an option. As you see that others respond normally and your anxiety decreases, you can progress to asking for emotional support or advice.

2. Thank Instead of Apologizing

Apologizing when asking for something sends the message that you have done something wrong. Instead of saying, “I’m sorry to bother you,” say, “Thank you for your time,” which focuses on the other person's goodwill. This eliminates the tone of guilt in the conversation and reduces the feeling of being a burden.

You don’t need to make long explanations to assert your right to receive support.

3. Clearly Define Your Need

Ambiguity increases shame because it creates a feeling as if you are asking for an unlimited check. Being specific reduces the effort the other person has to make and makes you feel more secure because you know what you want.

4. Normalize the Possibility of Rejection

The fear of “no” is often the most obstructive or uncomfortable situation. However, not being able to receive support is usually related to the other person's lack of time or energy and is not about your right to express a need.

Remember that if someone cannot help you, they are still your friend or coworker, and you should not take it personally. Generally, there are external conditions that prevent this. If that is not the case, you should respect the other person's right to decline.

5. Reassess the Value of the Supportive Person

Helping others creates a genuine sense of satisfaction in people. By avoiding asking for help, you deprive your surroundings of the opportunity to feel useful and connected to you. Additionally, asking for advice on something the other person is an expert in is a way to affirm their ability.

Healthy relationships are built on reciprocity, and helping reinforces the self-esteem of the person providing that support.

It is true that these habits can be helpful for asking for favors without feeling uncomfortable, but if the situation is distressing enough to hinder your functionality, you may need another approach. In such cases, seeking professional help from a therapist to review deep-seated beliefs and your inadequacy regarding delegating tasks or asking for care is the most appropriate course of action.