How many times have you lost yourself in a moment of anger or sadness and then did something you regretted later? When we don’t know how to manage unpleasant emotions, we can make impulsive decisions that affect our health and relationships.
According to psychologist Elizabeth Clapés, who specializes in relationships, this is a common and dangerous scenario. Everyone feels jealousy, anger, fear, frustration, and other intense emotions; the difference lies in how we manage them. While some manage these emotions constructively, others are swept away by momentary impulses. So, how can we respond better to what we feel? We invite you to explore this.
The Risk of Being Managed by Our Emotions
When something unexpected happens in our lives and we experience a storm filled with mixed emotions, it is easy for the spark to explode and for us to react thoughtlessly. In those moments, no one knows exactly how to respond, and we say the first thing that comes to mind or perhaps act in the most inappropriate way.
As Clapés explains, the problem with these impulsive reactions is that they often cause more harm. When we are “held hostage” by our emotions, we can make conflicts bigger than they are, make irreversible decisions, or unintentionally harm someone who has broken our hearts.
“Emotions are like a wave; they rise, reach their peak, and then fall. That’s why, when we are very angry or sad and later it passes, we say, ‘maybe it wasn’t that important,’” emphasizes the psychologist. Conversely, if we allow the wave to fall, we are more likely to respond wisely with calm and reason.
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Emotional management: a fundamental pillar of resilience
Elizabeth Clapés' Proposal: Manage Instead of Suppress
Many of us have a misconception that the best way to cope with intense emotions is to suppress them or at least hide them. But although it seems simple, suppressing emotions does not eliminate them. On the contrary, after a while, they weigh down inside us and explode uncontrollably.
According to Clapés, the way to better manage our unpleasant emotions is not to deny what we feel, but to name them and recognize their place. For this, we need to name our emotions and live without judgment. Thus, we can take the time to understand our inner world and, when we are ready, express ourselves clearly and healthily.
“If we allow ourselves to act as it comes in the moment, we fill our lives with toxic relationships, lose people who love us, and unnecessarily harm others.”
4 signs indicating emotional management issues
Managing Unpleasant Emotions Contributes to Mental Health
Various studies have emphasized that suppressing emotions is associated with higher levels of depression, anxiety, and psychological distress. Experts like Clapés state that consciously facing what we feel provides more stability and clarity to overcome the challenges we encounter.
Of course, while it may seem easy in theory, emotional management requires constant effort. Because reacting without thinking about the consequences is easier than learning to manage what we feel. However, only in this way can we prevent emotions from managing us and have conversations within a framework of respect.
As the psychologist points out, we cannot prevent feeling anger, sadness, fear, or jealousy, but we can decide what to do with them. If we silence our emotions instead of living with them, we remain true to ourselves and prevent a disagreement or a misunderstanding with a friend from turning into a meaningless battle.
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